Saturn returns

“Clutch it like a cornerstone. Otherwise it all comes down.
Justify denials and grip 'em to the lonesome end.
Saturn ascends, comes round again.
Saturn ascends, the one, the ten.
Ignorant to the damage done.”
The Grudge by Tool, from the Lateralus album.

Saturn takes approximately 29.5 years to orbit the Sun. When Saturn returns to the same position as it was at the time of someones birth, astrology states that the person goes through a period of turmoil, uncertainty, change and reflection. However, it's a not just a time of great upheaval, but also of accomplishment, reflection and maturity. This phenomenon is known as the Saturn return, and from my scant knowledge of this subject, the first Return for a person occurs between the ages of 27-30. The precise timing varies for each individual.

I've never been a believer in astrology and I find horoscopes absolutely ridiculous. Yet the current period of my life fits into the notion of a Saturn return quite well. My age fits within the Return period, I've moved to the US, started a new job and will have to find a new life. All events that qualify as a period of upheaval and challenge. It has also been a period where I've seriously reconsidered the meaningfulness of everything (although I've always questioned the purpose of my existence). I'm excited, pessimistic and petrified about what a possible Saturn return has in store for me, but it should prove to be an interesting period nonetheless.

For multiple reasons, the thinking that some distant planet can influence one's life seems silly to me. Yet it is intriguing to consider our link with the stars and planets surrounding us. From the Big Bang, we are "made of stars" after all. The atoms that we're all made of were created through proton-proton fusion reactions in stars or supernova explosions. Maybe there is a link between our lives and the celestial bodies that alter our futures. However, if we are indeed influenced by our link to the stars it seems odd that we humans, who should also be linked in the same manner, can hardly relate to each other in an increasingly divided world.

Planetary Saturn (top); "Saturn" by Goya, 1820-1823 (bottom)

Regardless of ones belief in the Saturn return, the lyrics in "The Grudge" encourage a deeper and more fundamental interpretation. It's about trying to better yourself spiritually as a way to find peace in our lives. The song suggests that forgiving the insignificant grudges that we all accumulate during life and moving on will lead to the path of a higher sense of spirituality.

Hanging on to grievances and overanalysing the past is something that I'm very prone to do. I believe it has to do with me trying to understand what factors have conspired to create the undesirable parts of my personality, or those events which have corrupted the better qualities I once displayed. I miss the time when I was more tolerant, patient and less angry than I am now. Everything seemed, not easier or more carefree, but more peaceful. My hope was that by understanding how the problem came to be, this could lead to acceptance and even resolution of the problem.

But can self-enhancement, higher spirituality and inner peace arise from calculated reasoning? Perhaps the real issue stems from overthinking of the problem and maybe it's better to "let go" as the final words of the song suggest. Just let go. Such a simple command to write, but infinitely harder to accomplish. Seems like inner tranquility will remain elusive for me a while yet.

Looking on the bright side, if I don't succeed in this Saturn return, I've got another 30 or so years to prepare for the next Return. I'll just have to rely on the weekly horoscope to see what's in store for me until then.

"Give away the stone.
Let the oceans take and transmutate this cold and fated anchor.
Give away the stone.
Let the waters kiss and transmutate these leaden grudges into gold.
Let go."
The Grudge by Tool, from the Lateralus album.