Alarms

Every now and again, certain events trigger us to reassess the priorities and situation of our lives. Sometimes these events are cataclysmic (e.g. the loss of a loved one), but often, they are relatively minor occurrences, which serve as intermittent alarms to wake us from our day-to-day drudgery. I experienced one of these small jolts of reality last week. It came in the form of email and was from my good mate Ace. It reminded me of how much I value my friends and family, and has made my worries about having a hard-time dealing with my boss pale into a trivial annoyance in the grand scheme of things.

Ace is a police officer, and in short, he nearly died. I hope he doesn't mind, but here's a snippet of his story:

"I had a run in with a mentally ill male on Monday night. I was about 2 inches from being killed... he was armed with a massive meat cleaver which he swung at my face and neck with full force. Luckily I had taken a baton from the car on the way up to his unit*, which I used to deflect the blade".
(*unit is Aussiespeak for apartment)

It took several officers with a lot of capsicum spray to finally subdue the attacker and thankfully Ace survived the situation unharmed, but reading his words and realising the alternate outcomes of the situation made me feel sick and really homesick. We've been through so much together and I can't imagine not ever having the chance to give him a hug, share a beer, discuss cute boys passing by, or just chat and share our lives.

Ace and I shared the suffering of coming to terms with being gay, and I've always looked up to him and admired the way he dealt with the whole situation. Where I slipped into depression and senseless direction, he was positive, pro-active and infinitely braver than I in seeking to become a confident, well-adjusted gay man. I'm uncertain whether there is such a thing as 'destiny' in life, but it does feel that Ace and I were destined to meet at such a critical stage in our lives to share our experiences and support each other. The endless hours chatting about our future as gay men, how our friends would react with the news, and accepting that we were gay, seem so long ago. We have certainly seen less of each other and have drifted apart over the past few busy years, which makes me a little sad, but such is the evolution of friendship and I know that our history still binds us strongly.

It's Independence Day today in the States and I can hear the rumbling bass and sharp stabs of fireworks blasting loudly close by. The roars of fighter jets have also passed overhead tonight. The noise is at odds with the quiet rain pattering outside, and the explosions sound like a distant battle raging in the otherwise still night. I'm sitting alone in my apartment, the lights are off, Triple J radio is playing lightly from my laptop. I feel very much like a foreigner in this city tonight. I feel as if I have no right to celebrate with the rest of the population. For me, the night seems conducive to self-reflection. Thinking about one's life is futile and torturous at the best of times, but I often ponder about where and how my life has unfolded. I know I am bloody fortunate to have the opportunity to be here in Boston and Ace's story helped me remember this.

I've received a lot of much appreciated advice about my work situation since my last post and I've decided to stay in the short term and see how my project turns out. I might have already made one lousy choice in coming to Boston, so is staying here a bit longer the right choice? That's a question not worth stressing about, time will tell. Anyway, worrying about getting yelled at by the boss makes me laugh when compared to the worries about personal safety that Ace has to deal with.

Due to their inherent nature, many of the life alarms that forced me to revalue and appreciate my life have been horrible, I'm just glad that Ace's story was not in the cataclysmic category. But why wait for the next alarm to appreciate something in your life? Go and give your loved one a hug, your family a call, or arrange a catch up with a mate. Do whatever is uplifting for you. Life sucks too much to have to miss out on these simple pleasures.

"Think of all the beauty that's still left in and around you, and be happy." Anne Frank.