We all want "quality" in life. We're all guilty of aspiring to the finer things in our brief, fumbling existence on this globe. Whether it's in materialistic goods (a nice car or fancy technology), or on a deeper level (meaningful relationships, finding the perfect life-partner), wanting "the best" threatens to consume us all. It blinds us to the fortunes we already possess, whatever those may be.
We all want quality living and we convince ourselves that we deserve a quality life. But are we simply deluding ourselves about what we can really attain in life? When should we "settle" with what we have? How do we reconcile ourselves in accepting that the less than desirable facets of our lives may well be the best that we'll ever get? It's not easy. It requires a re-examination of our own sense of worth and a brutal acceptance that maybe we aren't as good as we think, or that those close to us tell us that we are.
Lately I've been ruing the fact that I haven't found a quality guy. Sure I get to fuck the (very) occasional guy, but it seems all I ever get is "quantity". My definition of quantity is someone who scores less than 5 (out of 10) on the looks scale, who may not be the greatest conversationalist or thinker, and who is not overall "put together"; basically the majority of single gays in Boston. A quality guy would be the opposite of course. Wherever I turn, it seems that quality is everywhere, but nowhere around me. Of course I want the smoking hot, at least semi-intelligent, unpretentious, passionate boy who is as keen about me as I them, but maybe it's time I re-evaluate my prospects and realise that the sexy, cute boy of my dreams may never materialise in my lifetime. This mentality is not about giving up the search for a quality partner, but rather, tempering my expectations with reality.
As the big three-zero looms on the horizon, the possibility of finding the ideal soul-mate becomes a frightening prospect. Maybe it's time to settle after all...
Showing posts with label Gay life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gay life. Show all posts
3 May 2008
23 December 2007
An update
Name: Ben.
Hometown: Sydney, New South Wales, Australia.
Current Location: Boston, Massachusetts, USA.
Work: My project has yielded some promising results, so that's a positive. I don't find my project particularly interesting or beneficial for me career-wise, so that's a negative. Additionally, my current research isn't really that congruent with my PhD training, and it's not what I want to research in the future, score more negatives. I came to Boston to gain experience such that I could return to Sydney and consider starting my own lab. My current position isn't facilitating this ambition so I'm scoping alternate labs, with the aim of starting afresh early next year. So this work transition is totally stressing me out. Work score = 4/10
Family: My family is dysfunctional to say the least. Brother is still recovering from his psychosis and remains out of the workforce. Dad continues being a selfish asshole that makes me ashamed to be his son. Mum is overworked and always stressed due to Brother's illness and Dad's antics. Since I am the only family member she can really speak to, she misses me significantly. I'm constantly battling the feeling of guilt over leaving her (and Brother) to pursue a life on the other side of the world. Still, things on the family front aren't as volatile as they have been previously. Family score = 5/10.
Friends: Bing and Lulu continue to be my extremely compassionate guides here in Boston, I owe them a lot. They're like caring older siblings, who are wiser, reassuring and less erratic than me. I continue to talk with them extensively about my work dilemmas and Boston life in general. My two very close friends in the lab, Maestro and Ariel have been extremely considerate and are two really positive people who are fun to hang out with. I'll blog about our time together in future posts. Bay-buddy is constantly supportive and has helped me out immensely, but since he is no longer in the lab we only catch up weekly or so. Of course there's Ex-flatmate and my other long-time mates, GK, Entrepreneur, The Scotsman, Ace & Surfermate, providing essential support +61. Friends score = 9/10.
Love: My status is single. Very, very single. Sigh. I didn't blog about it, but there was an Irish guy, Sean, who I am no longer seeing, but it's OK as it never seemed to be a serious long-term relationship from the beginning. There just wasn't that 'something' between us, but we had some great times, he was charming and damn his accent was adorable (of course he said the same about my Aussie speech). I haven't been particularly proactive in finding a boyfriend recently and this is something I'm seeking to improve on in the immediate future. Love score = 3/10.
Mental health: Between my family and career, it's been a particularly uncertain and worrisome period of my life. Boston still continues to show me novel experiences that makes me feel as if I'm moving forward in my life, perhaps not always in an anticipated direction or as smoothly as expected, but still 'proceeding' nonetheless. There have been times when I've been on the precipice of slipping into depression again, but thankfully this has been avoided. A few weeks of being generally melancholic is the worst I've felt. Mental health score = 6/10.
Physical health: The gym is one of my favourite places. Maestro and I go regularly. We not only train together and motivate each other, but the gym is our place to discuss the lab and everything else in our lives. It's one of our sanctuaries away from work where we can work-out and goof around. I also feel that the exercise-induced endorphins are a key to me avoiding depression. With winter here, running outside is no longer an option, so the gym has become crucial to my mental and physical well-being. I'm definitely as fit as I've ever been, although an underwear-model-worthy six-pack still eludes me, so minus one point. Physical health score = 8/10.
Overall: It's been an emotional, life-changing year, and compared to some other awful years, 2007 ranks as a good one. My Boston life could obviously have been better work-wise (and relationship wise), but in the end this is irrelevant as it could have been much worse. It's difficult to not regret or overanalyse certain decisions I've made in, and leading up to, Boston life, but I'm trying to remain pragmatic and positive about my current situation.
With the close of another year, it's natural to take stock of our lives and resolve to improve on the less optimal parts. I'm looking forward to the challenges of next year. It's not going to be any easier that's for sure, but that as they say, is life. There's no guarantee that I'll rant any less, but I'll try to rave a bit more. My Boston adventure is just getting interesting, I feel that it's "maturing". Should be an intriguing next couple of months.
Blogging was initially designed to keep my mates up to date with my activities here, and it has also been cathartic and immensely enjoyable, I anticipate blogging through next year.
Life is always a struggle, and as one individual amongst the 6,639,361,044 current inhabitants on this world, I try to remind myself that I'm very fortunate to be in my current position. For those of us living relatively privileged lives (I'd imagine the majority reading this blog fits into this category), it's always refreshing to look outside of our daily microcosm and gain a wider perspective on the grander scheme of humanity. Considering I'm not fighting for survival in a war-torn country or suffering from a debilitating illness, it's clear that having an ideal job or being in a loving relationship, really are luxuries in life.
Of course we all know these realities, but it's not often that we actually remember them.
Having the opportunity to live abroad in a great city, getting a PhD, having a Macbook Pro to play with, hanging out with some amazing friends and having a loving (albeit messed up) family are luxuries in my life. I shouldn't complain.
Well that's my current status and the last post until I return to Boston from my European holiday (I fly out in a few hours and still have to pack, shit!). To my mates, enjoy the Sydney summer, don't go too crazy over NYE (I'm looking at you Scotsman), and if there's anything I've been reminded of from living in Boston, it's to be a little more bold and dip outside your comfort zone from time to time, who knows what you'll gain. Miss you guys immeasurably. To everyone reading this, may the New Year find you safe and well. My overall score remains = +61.
Hometown: Sydney, New South Wales, Australia.
Current Location: Boston, Massachusetts, USA.
Work: My project has yielded some promising results, so that's a positive. I don't find my project particularly interesting or beneficial for me career-wise, so that's a negative. Additionally, my current research isn't really that congruent with my PhD training, and it's not what I want to research in the future, score more negatives. I came to Boston to gain experience such that I could return to Sydney and consider starting my own lab. My current position isn't facilitating this ambition so I'm scoping alternate labs, with the aim of starting afresh early next year. So this work transition is totally stressing me out. Work score = 4/10
Family: My family is dysfunctional to say the least. Brother is still recovering from his psychosis and remains out of the workforce. Dad continues being a selfish asshole that makes me ashamed to be his son. Mum is overworked and always stressed due to Brother's illness and Dad's antics. Since I am the only family member she can really speak to, she misses me significantly. I'm constantly battling the feeling of guilt over leaving her (and Brother) to pursue a life on the other side of the world. Still, things on the family front aren't as volatile as they have been previously. Family score = 5/10.
Friends: Bing and Lulu continue to be my extremely compassionate guides here in Boston, I owe them a lot. They're like caring older siblings, who are wiser, reassuring and less erratic than me. I continue to talk with them extensively about my work dilemmas and Boston life in general. My two very close friends in the lab, Maestro and Ariel have been extremely considerate and are two really positive people who are fun to hang out with. I'll blog about our time together in future posts. Bay-buddy is constantly supportive and has helped me out immensely, but since he is no longer in the lab we only catch up weekly or so. Of course there's Ex-flatmate and my other long-time mates, GK, Entrepreneur, The Scotsman, Ace & Surfermate, providing essential support +61. Friends score = 9/10.
Love: My status is single. Very, very single. Sigh. I didn't blog about it, but there was an Irish guy, Sean, who I am no longer seeing, but it's OK as it never seemed to be a serious long-term relationship from the beginning. There just wasn't that 'something' between us, but we had some great times, he was charming and damn his accent was adorable (of course he said the same about my Aussie speech). I haven't been particularly proactive in finding a boyfriend recently and this is something I'm seeking to improve on in the immediate future. Love score = 3/10.
Mental health: Between my family and career, it's been a particularly uncertain and worrisome period of my life. Boston still continues to show me novel experiences that makes me feel as if I'm moving forward in my life, perhaps not always in an anticipated direction or as smoothly as expected, but still 'proceeding' nonetheless. There have been times when I've been on the precipice of slipping into depression again, but thankfully this has been avoided. A few weeks of being generally melancholic is the worst I've felt. Mental health score = 6/10.
Physical health: The gym is one of my favourite places. Maestro and I go regularly. We not only train together and motivate each other, but the gym is our place to discuss the lab and everything else in our lives. It's one of our sanctuaries away from work where we can work-out and goof around. I also feel that the exercise-induced endorphins are a key to me avoiding depression. With winter here, running outside is no longer an option, so the gym has become crucial to my mental and physical well-being. I'm definitely as fit as I've ever been, although an underwear-model-worthy six-pack still eludes me, so minus one point. Physical health score = 8/10.
Overall: It's been an emotional, life-changing year, and compared to some other awful years, 2007 ranks as a good one. My Boston life could obviously have been better work-wise (and relationship wise), but in the end this is irrelevant as it could have been much worse. It's difficult to not regret or overanalyse certain decisions I've made in, and leading up to, Boston life, but I'm trying to remain pragmatic and positive about my current situation.
With the close of another year, it's natural to take stock of our lives and resolve to improve on the less optimal parts. I'm looking forward to the challenges of next year. It's not going to be any easier that's for sure, but that as they say, is life. There's no guarantee that I'll rant any less, but I'll try to rave a bit more. My Boston adventure is just getting interesting, I feel that it's "maturing". Should be an intriguing next couple of months.
Blogging was initially designed to keep my mates up to date with my activities here, and it has also been cathartic and immensely enjoyable, I anticipate blogging through next year.
Life is always a struggle, and as one individual amongst the 6,639,361,044 current inhabitants on this world, I try to remind myself that I'm very fortunate to be in my current position. For those of us living relatively privileged lives (I'd imagine the majority reading this blog fits into this category), it's always refreshing to look outside of our daily microcosm and gain a wider perspective on the grander scheme of humanity. Considering I'm not fighting for survival in a war-torn country or suffering from a debilitating illness, it's clear that having an ideal job or being in a loving relationship, really are luxuries in life.
Of course we all know these realities, but it's not often that we actually remember them.
Having the opportunity to live abroad in a great city, getting a PhD, having a Macbook Pro to play with, hanging out with some amazing friends and having a loving (albeit messed up) family are luxuries in my life. I shouldn't complain.
Well that's my current status and the last post until I return to Boston from my European holiday (I fly out in a few hours and still have to pack, shit!). To my mates, enjoy the Sydney summer, don't go too crazy over NYE (I'm looking at you Scotsman), and if there's anything I've been reminded of from living in Boston, it's to be a little more bold and dip outside your comfort zone from time to time, who knows what you'll gain. Miss you guys immeasurably. To everyone reading this, may the New Year find you safe and well. My overall score remains = +61.
5 May 2007
Not the usual mail
I find it amazing when you see a couple and you just know that they will be happy being together, forever. Lulu and Bing are like that and so is Surfermate and his fiancee, Jules. Although I won't be able to make their wedding later this year, Surfermate was kind enough to send me an invitation anyway, which I was excited to receive the other day. Looking at the pleasant colour co-ordinated envelope and stylish invite, I suspect that Jules must have had a significant part in sending the invites. If it was up to Surfermate to send them, I would have expected a half-scrawled note on a piece of cardboard ripped from the closest VB carton stuffed in my mailbox (VB is an Aussie beer).
Many people in the US see marriage as a holy union between a man and a woman. That's why gay marriage is banned in all states except Massachusetts, although legislation is being pushed forward by right-wing religious groups to re-instate the ban on same-sex marriages in this state. I don't have any particularly strong views on gay marriage except to say that on an equality issue, it seems absurd to not let gays be married. Gay rights has come a long way since the Stonewall riots in 1969 but marriage seems to be a very contentious issue considering its religious origins, and I doubt gay marriage will be widely accepted for many years yet.
Surfermate is the first of our group to get married and it's another reality check that we are all moving to the next stage of life. Thinking about it, and surprising myself, I don't bemoan the transition from youth to maturity that we are/have been going through these past years. It's an exciting new time and I'm glad to leave behind a lot of bullshit that plagued my younger years.
From what I gather, Surfermate's wedding is going to be fairly relaxed and casual, in a style fitting for him, and although I'm disappointed that I won't be able to make it I'm looking forward to hearing about it.
Surfermate's wedding invite. A nice change from the "Jesus loves you" junk/chain mail letter I received last week.
Many people in the US see marriage as a holy union between a man and a woman. That's why gay marriage is banned in all states except Massachusetts, although legislation is being pushed forward by right-wing religious groups to re-instate the ban on same-sex marriages in this state. I don't have any particularly strong views on gay marriage except to say that on an equality issue, it seems absurd to not let gays be married. Gay rights has come a long way since the Stonewall riots in 1969 but marriage seems to be a very contentious issue considering its religious origins, and I doubt gay marriage will be widely accepted for many years yet.
Surfermate is the first of our group to get married and it's another reality check that we are all moving to the next stage of life. Thinking about it, and surprising myself, I don't bemoan the transition from youth to maturity that we are/have been going through these past years. It's an exciting new time and I'm glad to leave behind a lot of bullshit that plagued my younger years.
From what I gather, Surfermate's wedding is going to be fairly relaxed and casual, in a style fitting for him, and although I'm disappointed that I won't be able to make it I'm looking forward to hearing about it.
22 April 2007
T-shirt weather
This weekend has been sunny, warm (well relatively warm at up to 15 degrees C) and generally pleasant. I even strolled around without a jacket on for a bit. The only downer about the weather was me having to go into work both days of the weekend, although Lulu, Bing and myself managed to coordinate a trip to the Arnold Arboretum (the pic below is from their site) in Forest Hills, a 25 min train ride away from Downtown Boston.
The arboretum is a large park (free entry) filled with trees as the name would suggest that's divided into different sections like the Rhododendron garden or Willow lane. It was nice to laze in the sun and walk around the park for a few hours but almost all the trees were still leafless so we vowed to go back in the depths of spring to see the arboretum in all its leafy glory.
I'm still new enough to Boston to get childishly excited whenever I see a squirrel scurrying around and it was fun to watch them dig and nibble around the oak and walnut trees in the park. I've spotted a handful near work and my apartment but I expect spring-time to dramatically increase their numbers so the novelty factor should fade soon.
This weekend has also been an eye-opening feast of cute guys, just tonight I bumped into two attractive lads who don't necessarily live in my building but I met them going out the main door. The hotter of the two guys was wearing a gray Harvard hoddie, tall, smoking hazel eyes and had a cute smile as he said hello. I'm looking forward to seeing him around. But at the arboretum, it was just crazy how many cute guys there were; walking dogs, riding bikes or just sleeping in the sun. The typical college-jock, clean cut, All-American type, hot. Must be the weather.
The arboretum is a large park (free entry) filled with trees as the name would suggest that's divided into different sections like the Rhododendron garden or Willow lane. It was nice to laze in the sun and walk around the park for a few hours but almost all the trees were still leafless so we vowed to go back in the depths of spring to see the arboretum in all its leafy glory.
I'm still new enough to Boston to get childishly excited whenever I see a squirrel scurrying around and it was fun to watch them dig and nibble around the oak and walnut trees in the park. I've spotted a handful near work and my apartment but I expect spring-time to dramatically increase their numbers so the novelty factor should fade soon.
This weekend has also been an eye-opening feast of cute guys, just tonight I bumped into two attractive lads who don't necessarily live in my building but I met them going out the main door. The hotter of the two guys was wearing a gray Harvard hoddie, tall, smoking hazel eyes and had a cute smile as he said hello. I'm looking forward to seeing him around. But at the arboretum, it was just crazy how many cute guys there were; walking dogs, riding bikes or just sleeping in the sun. The typical college-jock, clean cut, All-American type, hot. Must be the weather.
20 April 2007
Happy Birthday Ex-flatmate
Today is Ex-flatmates birthday, so happy b'day mate! Well technically it's tomorrow, but with the 14 hour time difference, I gave him a ring today and said g'day/wished him well using Skype. With free Skype to Skype calls and really cheap international calls, it's an awesome program for calling overseas, especially in my situation of only having the opportunity to call from a cell phone with expensive international rates. Wow, that reads as a cheesy ad for Skype, but you get the gist that I'm a fan. Even though it's only been a month, it was cool to chat to Ex-flatmate and catch-up on recent happenings, plus it's always nice to hear a familiar accent via +61.
I've known Ex-flatmate since high school (as with most of my close friends). We shared an apartment for around 2 years and have had countless adventures through our friendship. Ex-flatmate is one of those high-achievers who works unnaturally long hours in the ruthless corporate world, yet manages to be positive, cheerful and modest, plus he still manages to take time out from his commitments to hang out with his mates for a beer or a rock concert. A more decent, likeable bloke I couldn't imagine. Over the years, me, Ex-flatmate and The Scotsman have made a tradition of being the rock gig/music festival-attending trio, and some of the highlights of my last few months in Australia was moshing out to Tool and at the Big Day Out festival (where Tool was also headlining) on consecutive days at the end of January.
The lineup at Big Day Out this year was stupendously superb and Tool and Muse rocked out completely, while Aussie bands like John Butler Trio, Expatriate and the few songs we caught from The Vines were also top notch. A significant number of young, shirtless, amazingly hot guys were a fitting accompaniment to the superb music; especially in tight, crowded situations, as in the mosh pit. I mean let's not beat around the bush, a music festival is 80% music, 20% pervfest, well for me it is. If you are a tourist in Sydney around late January and want to visually sample the most gorgeous guys (or girls) Australia has to offer, I strongly suggest trying to snag a ticket to the Big Day Out. A diverse range of music, a hedonistic mass of shirtless guys, beers, good mates and a sunny clear blue sky, need I say more?
But I digress, back to the birthday message, I hope the golf God's favour Ex-flatemate for his birthday round and that he has an overall awesome weekend off, despite being another year grayer :-). I know Ex-flatmate is a Star Wars fan and although it's not sold anymore, if I could mate, I would have sent this to you:
More vintage Star Wars stuff and the above image can be found here.
I've known Ex-flatmate since high school (as with most of my close friends). We shared an apartment for around 2 years and have had countless adventures through our friendship. Ex-flatmate is one of those high-achievers who works unnaturally long hours in the ruthless corporate world, yet manages to be positive, cheerful and modest, plus he still manages to take time out from his commitments to hang out with his mates for a beer or a rock concert. A more decent, likeable bloke I couldn't imagine. Over the years, me, Ex-flatmate and The Scotsman have made a tradition of being the rock gig/music festival-attending trio, and some of the highlights of my last few months in Australia was moshing out to Tool and at the Big Day Out festival (where Tool was also headlining) on consecutive days at the end of January.
Big Day Out crowd 2007, by Matt Booy
The lineup at Big Day Out this year was stupendously superb and Tool and Muse rocked out completely, while Aussie bands like John Butler Trio, Expatriate and the few songs we caught from The Vines were also top notch. A significant number of young, shirtless, amazingly hot guys were a fitting accompaniment to the superb music; especially in tight, crowded situations, as in the mosh pit. I mean let's not beat around the bush, a music festival is 80% music, 20% pervfest, well for me it is. If you are a tourist in Sydney around late January and want to visually sample the most gorgeous guys (or girls) Australia has to offer, I strongly suggest trying to snag a ticket to the Big Day Out. A diverse range of music, a hedonistic mass of shirtless guys, beers, good mates and a sunny clear blue sky, need I say more?
But I digress, back to the birthday message, I hope the golf God's favour Ex-flatemate for his birthday round and that he has an overall awesome weekend off, despite being another year grayer :-). I know Ex-flatmate is a Star Wars fan and although it's not sold anymore, if I could mate, I would have sent this to you:
More vintage Star Wars stuff and the above image can be found here.
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