An update

Name: Ben.

Hometown: Sydney, New South Wales, Australia.

Current Location: Boston, Massachusetts, USA.

Work: My project has yielded some promising results, so that's a positive. I don't find my project particularly interesting or beneficial for me career-wise, so that's a negative. Additionally, my current research isn't really that congruent with my PhD training, and it's not what I want to research in the future, score more negatives. I came to Boston to gain experience such that I could return to Sydney and consider starting my own lab. My current position isn't facilitating this ambition so I'm scoping alternate labs, with the aim of starting afresh early next year. So this work transition is totally stressing me out. Work score = 4/10

Family: My family is dysfunctional to say the least. Brother is still recovering from his psychosis and remains out of the workforce. Dad continues being a selfish asshole that makes me ashamed to be his son. Mum is overworked and always stressed due to Brother's illness and Dad's antics. Since I am the only family member she can really speak to, she misses me significantly. I'm constantly battling the feeling of guilt over leaving her (and Brother) to pursue a life on the other side of the world. Still, things on the family front aren't as volatile as they have been previously. Family score = 5/10.

Friends: Bing and Lulu continue to be my extremely compassionate guides here in Boston, I owe them a lot. They're like caring older siblings, who are wiser, reassuring and less erratic than me. I continue to talk with them extensively about my work dilemmas and Boston life in general. My two very close friends in the lab, Maestro and Ariel have been extremely considerate and are two really positive people who are fun to hang out with. I'll blog about our time together in future posts. Bay-buddy is constantly supportive and has helped me out immensely, but since he is no longer in the lab we only catch up weekly or so. Of course there's Ex-flatmate and my other long-time mates, GK, Entrepreneur, The Scotsman, Ace & Surfermate, providing essential support +61. Friends score = 9/10.

Love: My status is single. Very, very single. Sigh. I didn't blog about it, but there was an Irish guy, Sean, who I am no longer seeing, but it's OK as it never seemed to be a serious long-term relationship from the beginning. There just wasn't that 'something' between us, but we had some great times, he was charming and damn his accent was adorable (of course he said the same about my Aussie speech). I haven't been particularly proactive in finding a boyfriend recently and this is something I'm seeking to improve on in the immediate future. Love score = 3/10.

Mental health: Between my family and career, it's been a particularly uncertain and worrisome period of my life. Boston still continues to show me novel experiences that makes me feel as if I'm moving forward in my life, perhaps not always in an anticipated direction or as smoothly as expected, but still 'proceeding' nonetheless. There have been times when I've been on the precipice of slipping into depression again, but thankfully this has been avoided. A few weeks of being generally melancholic is the worst I've felt. Mental health score = 6/10.

Physical health: The gym is one of my favourite places. Maestro and I go regularly. We not only train together and motivate each other, but the gym is our place to discuss the lab and everything else in our lives. It's one of our sanctuaries away from work where we can work-out and goof around. I also feel that the exercise-induced endorphins are a key to me avoiding depression. With winter here, running outside is no longer an option, so the gym has become crucial to my mental and physical well-being. I'm definitely as fit as I've ever been, although an underwear-model-worthy six-pack still eludes me, so minus one point. Physical health score = 8/10.

Overall: It's been an emotional, life-changing year, and compared to some other awful years, 2007 ranks as a good one. My Boston life could obviously have been better work-wise (and relationship wise), but in the end this is irrelevant as it could have been much worse. It's difficult to not regret or overanalyse certain decisions I've made in, and leading up to, Boston life, but I'm trying to remain pragmatic and positive about my current situation.

With the close of another year, it's natural to take stock of our lives and resolve to improve on the less optimal parts. I'm looking forward to the challenges of next year. It's not going to be any easier that's for sure, but that as they say, is life. There's no guarantee that I'll rant any less, but I'll try to rave a bit more. My Boston adventure is just getting interesting, I feel that it's "maturing". Should be an intriguing next couple of months.

Blogging was initially designed to keep my mates up to date with my activities here, and it has also been cathartic and immensely enjoyable, I anticipate blogging through next year.

Life is always a struggle, and as one individual amongst the 6,639,361,044 current inhabitants on this world, I try to remind myself that I'm very fortunate to be in my current position. For those of us living relatively privileged lives (I'd imagine the majority reading this blog fits into this category), it's always refreshing to look outside of our daily microcosm and gain a wider perspective on the grander scheme of humanity. Considering I'm not fighting for survival in a war-torn country or suffering from a debilitating illness, it's clear that having an ideal job or being in a loving relationship, really are luxuries in life.

Of course we all know these realities, but it's not often that we actually remember them.

Having the opportunity to live abroad in a great city, getting a PhD, having a Macbook Pro to play with, hanging out with some amazing friends and having a loving (albeit messed up) family are luxuries in my life. I shouldn't complain.

Well that's my current status and the last post until I return to Boston from my European holiday (I fly out in a few hours and still have to pack, shit!). To my mates, enjoy the Sydney summer, don't go too crazy over NYE (I'm looking at you Scotsman), and if there's anything I've been reminded of from living in Boston, it's to be a little more bold and dip outside your comfort zone from time to time, who knows what you'll gain. Miss you guys immeasurably. To everyone reading this, may the New Year find you safe and well. My overall score remains = +61.

A Sydney-free Christmas

It hasn't sunk in yet, but Christmas and the New Year are around the corner. All the familiar cues I usually associate with Christmas are missing; it isn't hot, the smell of mangoes ripening in the fruitbowl is missing, and there haven't been any Christmas party barbeques on the beach, no beers in a mate's yard. Instead, it's chilly and beautifully snowy at the moment.

It won't be a Boston Christmas for me however. In two days I'm off to London to visit my cousin, and then we're off to Spain where I'll spend my New Years Eve in Barcelona. Since I've never been to the UK or Spain I'm bloody excited, plus reaching London will only take 6 and 1/2 hours, as opposed to the gruelling ~24 hour Sydney to London travel time.

I think travelling overseas is a rite of passage for many young Australians. It isn't uncommon for Australian high-school leavers to spend a year or so overseas (typically in the UK) before starting university or a full-time job, and almost everyone I know has travelled abroad as much as possible. Perhaps it's just the adventurous and friendly nature of many Australians that sends us across the globe to meet new people. Living on our own continent, and being so geographically isolated, maybe travelling helps us Aussies reconnect with the rest of humanity. Whatever it is, I can't wait to travel again.

I've been fortunate enough to have visited several countries in Europe and Asia, but the map of unvisited countries and the empty space in my passport gnaws at my desire to travel. Travelling forces you to break free from the comfort of routine life and embrace new experiences (and people if you're lucky...). Regardless of the destination, every trip for me has been a lesson in independence, creativity and endurance. Plus, to encounter the generosity and genuine friendliness of strangers whilst visiting a poorer country is a humbling experience, it gives a refreshing perspective to life.

The tourism of death. Travelling the globe is often about visiting the burial places of renowned dead people. From top to bottom: Reverently file past the embalmed body of Ho Chi Minh in Hanoi, Vietnam; Take a donkey ride to the burial place of the Pharaohs at the Valley of the Kings in Luxor, Egypt; Check out Napoleon’s oversized coffin (and the ceiling paintjob) in Paris, France; No dead people, but the Museum of Natural History, New York, USA is a remarkable resting place for dinosaurs and animals from across the globe and history.

The past week has been bloody hectic, but now that it's over, I can concentrate on packing etc. for my impending trip. Here are a few sites that I use for my travel plans:

Tickets: Cheaptickets, Kayak and Expedia (also for accommodation)
Accommodation: Hostelworld, Venere

Avoid the horrors of "Seat 29E" (I highly recommend viewing the hilarious, original customer complaint by clicking the link to the PDF) by using Seatguru to make the best choice for your airplane seat.

For those overpackers amongst us, pack your luggage efficiently and keep your shirts wrinkle-free by following this diagram and these tips on "bundle wrapping".

If you are travelling soon, keep safe, have fun and be nice to any Aussies you might meet along the way.

Before he left the States recently, Ex-flatmate was kind enough to give me a book entitled "Conversational Spanish in 7 Days", which should make my Spain travels considerably easier. I'm not entirely confident of the book's 7 day claim, but if a Spaniard should ask me "Puede cambiar el neumatico?" I can definitely say "Si".

The soundtrack to survival

We've all had moments in life when everything seems to be spiralling out of control. Desperate, lost and unhappy, you seek solace in friends, family and the pub. Reassured, soothed and tipsy, you're now ready to reclaim your life. If life was a movie, the soundtrack to your heroic rising from the ashes would include the following life-giving tunes, so if you've had a rough trot recently, crank up the volume and loosen the vocal chords. Sing, dance, and feel good.

Project Playlist

'Til the End, by The Living End (Aussies), lyrics
Lateralus, by Tool, lyrics
Mr. Brightside, by The Killers, lyrics
Time is Running Out, by Muse, lyrics

Pick You Up, by Powderfinger (Aussies), lyrics


Ready 1, by Grinspoon (Aussies), lyrics


Your Song, by Groove Armada (the only online source for this was on this pony video....enjoy!)


Schwingin, by Bionikworld (Aussies), Myspace

Pissed off again (rant)

Just a warning that there's another rant in the following paragraphs. Feel free to skip it, I won't be offended. Really. My non rant news is that about a foot of snow blanketed the city today. It was the light, fluffy stuff, perfect for snowmen and snowball fights. With little wind, and not too cold outside, today I experienced a beautiful Boston winter's day. OK, so back to the rant...

I inadvertently pissed off a work colleague yesterday. Even now, I'm not exactly sure what the hell happened, except today he indicated that I am no longer worthy of his company. The workmate in question is a prickly character who is quite critical about many subjects, with his favourite topic being the uselessness of our boss. However he had previously been quite friendly with me, so despite his quiet, severe demeanor, we got along well, often grabbing coffee together etc. Plus his cynical hostile nature is partly due to his unhappiness with the lab and desire to leave, so I've previously excused/ignored his somewhat abrasive disposition during our interactions. He's not the most social person so we didn't interact outside of lab hours, but since his wife is overseas at the moment we recently had dinner together. All was well.

What precipitated the demise of our friendship is still unclear to me, except I know it was totally trivial and ridiculous. Basically we were talking about the pros and cons of a particular scientific technique and he kept raising a few points that I didn't understand clearly. This was due to several factors, including his imperfect English, tendency to mumble, and long-winded way of reaching his point. Whatever it was, the conversation was going in circles. Responding to his ultra passive-aggressive manner throughout the discourse, I became increasingly frustrated, but not angry, by his nonsensical speech. He became increasingly irritated, and angry, by my comments.

Anytime I tried to steer the conversation to neutral territory I was immediately cut-off by some random rant, stating that he didn't care about the point I was raising. In the beginning I got the feeling he was asking in a round about fashion for help with something about the technique we were discussing, but whenever I volunteered advice, it was instantly shot down with a haughty "You think I don't know that already". Actually, it was "I don't give a shit about that".

Anyway, it was the most insane conversation (?) I've had in a long time and it ended when someone came and asked me for help with something. His reaction to our small disagreement was ignoring me for the rest of the afternoon, despite me trying to initiate polite conversation.

This morning my attempts at friendliness were deflected with frosty disdain. I apologized to him (profusely!) if I upset him in any way, tried to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation and basically said let's forgive and forget, move on and be on friendly terms again.

He passively-aggressively declined my offer. He no longer wants to speak/lunch with/have coffee with me.

What a motherfucker.

His reasons were again confusing, but part of it was something along the lines of him not wanting to be dealing with immature people of my age (he's late 30's), which is ironically child-like I think.

Showing the true character of this one-time alleged 'friend', he remarked that he didn't give a shit about losing a friend, and that gaining another is easily done. It's amusing to me that apart from myself and his bay-buddy Ariel (who I'm very close with), he does not get along socially at all with anyone else in the lab. Ariel is away on holidays at the moment, so she is unaware of the situation, but I know that she also has been increasingly fed up with her bay-mates acid tongue, so I anticipate he will sadly have no friendly colleagues in the lab once she hears of his absurd behaviour.

I'm proud of the way I handled the situation because I didn't get baited by his provocative, and arrogantly dismissive comments during our initial "discussion". My responses were logical and I was constantly trying to defuse the escalating situation, which inexplicably seemed to make him more aggravated. After receiving his infantile silent treatment post-"discussion", I tried to reconcile the problem in a professional manner, by being apologetic, opening dialogue and trying to determine how we could move forward from the misunderstanding. Yeah, so I was basically being a "doormat" in an attempt to salvage a friendship with a complete twat. Pathetic, I know.

Unfortunately I am now internally seething with immense rage about the situation. I'm just itching to go up to him and yell right into his face, a big, loud, good old, "FUCK. YOU!". Screaming those two words at him would make me unbelievably happy. It's all I'm asking for. OK, maybe I'd also let him know how much of a prick he really is and what a miserable, unreasonable and bitter man he's shown himself to be.

(Since beginning my rant, I've released some of my latent rage at the gym, so I'm feeling better now.)